I don't mean you per se. I guess I mean like.... the Royal You.
Like all of you? Wait.... I guess that does mean you.You suck at driving.
Why?
1. When you make a right turn why do you have to veer over to the left before you turn?
Did you forget that you weren't driving a semi today? Perhaps you drive a douche delivery truck on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and I caught you on a Thursday.
2. There are two kinds of tailgaters, the first is those self important pricks with the Bluetooths or is it Blueteeth? How about just asshole?
Second is the self important cunts talking to the self important pricks with the Blueteeths.
3. Speed up. Slow Down. Speed Up. Slow Down.
Who the fuck are you? Peter fucking North? Shoot your load already.
4. Let's merge onto the Interstate at about 30 mph and you too will have the deliciously sweet and tender experience of a Mack Truck dog protruding out of your anus .
5. You know how when there's a busy intersection where the cars going perpendicular are stopped in the intersection and then your light turns green and but you can't go because some selfish dick face had to beat the red light and now they're stopped in front of you?
You have every right to pull them out of their car and beat them senseless with a broken bottle.
6. Do you have to drive with that fucking dog on your lap? Hopefully ol' Rex will shit in your mouth at the next speedbump.
7. Ladies: You already can't drive worth a shit. Why are you making it that much more baffling by talking on the fucking phone while driving? Besides, women talk just to hear themselves
talk. That means nothing you have to say is important. Nothing.
It's just yack yack yack boyfriend yack hair yack makeup yack that bitch.....
So just hang it the fuck up toots and go bake me a pesto quiche. RAPIDO!!!
8. Old people driving. It's kind of unfair to pick on the elderly but it's kind of unfair for my young vibrant self to get stuck going 15 in a 45 behind some pruned trifocaled
Ben Gayed arachnid who will likely die any day now. And that fucker WILL NOT BUDGE. It's like he has the cruise control set to sub zero speeds. Okay, I know you fought in ol' dubya dubya deuce but it's time to get out of the way pops and let me enjoy the freedom you fought to give me.
You had your shot. Move it. RAPIDO!!!
9. Bumper stickers are God's way of saying,
"Look at what this stupid asshole thinks about German Shepards!"
10. And finally my favorite and yours....
The Cocksucking Citizen Cop Hogging Up The Passing Lane.
I wish so much that we could have just ONE wild card kill per lifetime without getting in trouble. In fact I pray for it.
